Overwhelming, crippling fear

May 26, 2006 at 7:50 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

   The dread, the guilt, the overwhelming fear of “oh no, what have I done?  Did I do that wrong?  Should I be doing this instead?” hits oh, I dunno, like 99% of parents at some time or another.  Not to worry, though I make up for that 1% and then some.  I often stop mid-sentence and think “oh no, that’s not the right way to handle this, I need to____”.  Or maybe I watch on in horror as Hali does something so normal like picking her nose or throwing a tantrum (I mean come on, all two year olds do it) and I think “You, you should have been able to stop this before it happenned- you’re the parent!”

But then I kick into overdrive and handle the situation as best I can.  The hub and I have recently sat down and gone over how we should handle disciplining our dear, dear daughter, just to make sure that we were on the same page.  I had been listening to other moms, reading what sites had to say, etc. and then shared what I thought made the most sense to me with Jeremy.  He agreed- that’s right we agreed.  There is so much information out there, its amazing.  But in the end, I think you just have to go with what feels right.  No, I didn’t agree with the militarians out there who schedualize everything and will NOT budge.  Nor do I agree with the “if you teach them what is right, they will discipline themselves parents.  She’s two- she can’t keep her fingers out of her mouth (yes, she is a finger sucker, and yes, we will be weaning her of them soon so as not to mess up her pearly whites to horribly).  I do think that we let our guilt over not being the perfect parents carry us too far.  
   A little guilt- when appropriatly applied can be a good thing.  Use it to motivate yourself to be a better parent.  Not to motivate you to go out and spoil your children to the extreme by letting them run you down or buying them more CRAP than is feasible.  I believe in rewards.  I believe in spoiling your children * a little.  I believe in close families.  And how do we do this?  BY SPENDING TIME TOGETHER!  I’m not talking about “ya, we were all home (just in seperate rooms)” but dinners, games, outings, joking, talking, big pancake breakfasts, vacations, and just plain talking.  Together.  As a family.  WITHOUT THE TV ON.  Ya, that’s a big one.  I think one of the best places to put any extra money is in investing in something for the family.  When I was 6, my very, well, not wealthy parents were smart enough to purchase a used boat.  This boat is associated with so many family memories; I almost wish I could buy it from them just so it’s around.  Board games (cheesy to some) rock!  I have always loved playing a game with my family, and they are relatively inexpensive.  There are so many options, depending on the age of your family and their interests, you can find something.  It’s the best bang for your buck, if you ask me. 

   You win some, you lose some.  I do not insist on “winning” every one.  It is only fair that Hali wins some too.  If they are not that big of a deal to me, and the repercusions are minimal, she can have what she wants.  How would you feel if you never won?  Yep, I’d probably start resorting to screaming and crying about it too.

   Occasionally, I catch myself getting so wrapped up in what I am doing that I miss that cute little thing that Hali just said.  And I hate that.  This is probably why, when Hali is doing something great and Jeremy is home, I practically want to FORCE him to look over at her.  I don’t want him to miss out either.  

   In the end, it’s not about the huge house, nice cars, tons of the latest toys, keeping up with the Jones’, and appearances- it’s about happiness.  True happiness.  Joy.  Relax and just enjoy being a family.  Around here, that’s what we spend our evenings weekends doing.

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