July 18, 2006 at 5:51 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

   My name is Charli, and I have been diagnosed with M.O.M.S.

   This is a very difficult to manage disease.  It is a very common and widespread disease, mostly amongst women.  Unfortunately, it often requires dependence on your enabler.  You grow attached to your enabler, often times years before any of the tale-tell signs appear.  You may find yourself extremely frustrated, annoyed, and even angry with your enabler.  This is perfectly normal, even if you are happy to have M.O.M.S.  M.O.M.S. is time consuming, difficult, and one of the best things you can ever go through.  Those with M.O.M.S. are extremely underpaid- in fact most MOMS cases are working for free.  Statistics tell us that those with M.O.M.S. work upwards of 96 hours a week. 

   Some argue that the first signs of M.O.M.S. is not merely a missed period, but often first shows itself with adoption papers, frequent day dreaming of babies, a protruding stomach, or in some cases is not clear until a small person roughly the size of a watermelon is pushed out of a vagina.  I am inclined to agree.

   Once you recognize that you have M.O.M.S., it’s time to start planning and educating yourself about the disease.  Don’t worry, you have months ahead of you (in most cases).  M.O.M.S. is what you might even call a “trendy” condition.  Even celebrities are coming out in the open about their contracting of M.O.M.S.  Because this condition is so widespread (everyone has MOMS) it is very well documented.  You are not alone.  There are support groups out there for everyone.  Just stop by your local park.  M.O.M.S. is everywhere, but don’t worry, you can’t catch it at the park (well, unless you are really into the thrill of maybe getting caught).  Going to the park may cause you to envy those with M.O.M.S., though.

   Beware, you are going to find a lot of people- lots of relatives (especially those of which you share no blood with) and even perfect strangers who feel the apparent need to give unwarranted and often bad advice.  These people can be dealt with in several ways, it really just depends on your personality.  Ignoring it works, although this is one of the options that require mammoth amounts of patience.  Humor is a great option, especially when dealing with strangers.  My personal favorite leans towards the use of heavy sarcasm.

   M.O.M.S. quickly becomes full blown.  There is no getting around it- you have M.O.M.S.  Most women with M.O.M.S. are clearly infected.  Do not try and hide your condition, or pretend that it does not bother you!  Hold your head up high, brush the cracker crumbs off your shirt, and stand tall!  We have M.O.M.S. and are PROUD!

   ***Stay tuned for next time, when I will discuss the different types of M.O.M.S. and what type you may have so that you can properly diagnose yourself.

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