The voices in my head won’t be quiet

August 16, 2006 at 7:36 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

I have all these thoughts and ideas running around in my head.  Running, running, ALL THE TIME!  It’s like I cannot get my head to shut up for just a few minutes or peace.  Every few weeks I go through this ” I better raise the bar” phase.  I decide that I should be better.  Better organized, more productive, a better mom, a better wife, a better ME.  I can’t fall asleep, because all these thoughts are crowding my head.  My brain just doesn’t want to shut down at night.  I have even gone out and bought a couple notebooks, and am already happily filling them up.  I have all these ideas of what I want to be, what I want to do.  Sure, some of them are impossible for a few years.  Some of them are just plain deluded.  But they’re goals.  We all need goals, right?

Unfortunately for me, I am a very impatient person.  Once I finally wise up and realize what it is that I want, I want it NOW!  I don’t want to wait.  Sure, I am willing to work hard and sacrifice (somewhat) for it, but I wanted it yesterday, even though yesterday I didn’t know that’s what I wanted.  I decided to do this blog and a website at the same time.  I stayed up until at least 2:00 in the morning every day for about two weeks, but I did it.  And then I changed it.  And then I changed it again.  Now, I may be changing it again soon. 

Life, especially life as a SAHM, is full of activities that just don’t require your whole brain.  For instance, here’s what we did today, so far.  It’s not too unusual of a day.

– cuddled in bed while waking up (it takes me a long time) and finished watching
Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire for the billionth time

– ate breakfast and checked e-mails

– got dressed, brushed hair, all those type of things- I am a makeup girl, so the make up is on most days

– picked up quickly

– dropped off water bill

– went to Walmart, narrowly avoided being seen by
this guy’s wife

– unloaded groceries in the nearly 100 degree humidity that is known as a Texas summer, trudging up the stairs with them, my purse, and Hali’s

– cleaned up new bottle of bath wash/bubble bath/shampoo that Hali spilt upon pulling it out of a bag

– cut up fruit for Hali and I to snack on while I made lunch

– talked to Jeremy on the phone

– made lunch

– paid bills

– put SpongeBob dvd on for Hali and sat in front of the computer

All of this is fairly routine for us.  Welcome to my life.  Not exciting.  But I am thankful for that, really.  Routine is great for our little family.  In fact, I hate it when things really upset our routine too much.  A little variant now and then- fine, but nothing big, please.  I hate to get all preachy on you, but I forget to think about how lucky I am that I have not just a roof over my head and plenty of food for my family, but things like freedom, the peace of not living in a war torn country (not that I am not totally freaked out that eventually the terrorist will get us somehow), and luxuries like air conditioning, refrigeration, a bazillion clothes, electronics, and all kinds of things we so take for granted.  Despite all this, I find myself wanting more.  Always wanting MORE.  It’s The American Way.


1 Comment »

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  1. You sound just like me!!

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