The Explination

August 21, 2006 at 4:23 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

As you were forewarned, I am about to spill my guts (haha) about my weight and a major health issue that I have.  Just hold on while I take a deep breath, because this is not very easy for me.  It’s not easy, because in order to deal with it for so many years now, I have basically ignored it.  I can do a pretty decent job of forgetting about it- not letting my mind ponder over it for too long.  If I do, well, I just get depressed. 

But NO MORE!  I have called my doctor’s office and received a letter of referral to UTMB- University of Texas Medical Branch.  They offer programs for individuals who are in need of assistance to cover their medical costs.  The cost of surgery is waaaay up there.  I had Hali via emergency c-section, and that with a three day stay in the hospital was around ten thousand smackeroos.  Yep.  Luckily, because we were broke at the time, starting a new business, and I am unable to get medical coverage (which I will sooooo write about another time), I was able to get on medicaid.  But I am straying here.

I am hoping and praying for assistance to cover the cost of surgery.  I have a pituitary adenoma- a tumor on my pituitary gland.  Here’s a quick lesson in anatomy:  the pituitary tumor is located very close to the center of your brain.  If you were to run a line straight from between your eyes to the back of your head, and another from one temple to the other, where they bisect would be approximately where your pituitary gland is located.  The pituitary gland is often referred to as the “master gland” because it controls/effects so many of your hormones.  Thus, I am a moody, fat b%$#@!  Some of the time. 

This site has a great summary of what it is, what it does, what can be done, etc.  This tumor is a microadenoma, and is benign.  I first found out about it the beginning of 2002.  This was just months after finding out about another health problem, and right after I got married.  I will write about the other thing later, in fact I already have something in the works in the way of an article I am submitting to a few sites, because it is an important issue that needs addressing, especially now that there is a way to prevent it.  But I digress.  Again.

Things that clued my doctor and I in that I may need some blood work done were (and we are getting personal here): 

– I started lactating.  Odd, I know, because I wasn’t pregnant, nor had been.  But this is all part of what type of tumor I have.
– Missed periods.  Despite being on the pill, and taking pregnancy tests all the time to make sure I wasn’t pregnant, I still had not had a period in months.
– I was seriously moody and emotional.  At first I chalked it up to the pill, because I had heard of women who had been effected by it this way
– Weight gain.  This was and still is the tough one for me.  I was a very nicely built 135 weeks before I got married.  Soon after, I started packing it on.  Many just told me that it happens to lots of women when they get married.  Some said it was the freshman fifteen, because I had also just started my second semester of college.  My husband and I ate out a lot back then, so we weren’t eating very healthy. 

After some blood work and an MRI, it was confirmed that I had a pituitary tumor.  Next, was what to do.  Because I had no prior insurance (I was barely 19) we had to pay for everything.  The medicine, which was what my doctor recommended, was something like $580 for a 2 week supply.  For most people that aren’t oh, I don’t know, rolling in it- this is a huge amount of money.  For newly weds, well, you can imagine.  Well, I found out that the company that makes the medicine can help those who cannot afford it.  They were willing to pay for one weeks worth of it, every month.  So what about the other weeks?  So, I took the pills for a week.  They made me feel awful, but I figured it was better than nothing.  By this time, a year had passed. 

Wouldn’t you know it, the one week that I was on the medication and my hormones were in some kind of balance, I managed to get pregnant!  So now you know how I was able to conceive Hali.  Bet you don’t read about that on other blogs much!

Well, no more medication for me.  For the next nine months I grew a great big baby girl.  After I had her, I was still able to stay on medicaid for about 3 more months, until the pregnancy medicaid would end.  So I took a few more weeks worth of the medication.  After those three months, I started to look for some kind of program out there to help pay for the medication or for surgery.  Either we made too much (and yet, not enough or there wouldn’t be a problem) or because our tax situation was up in the air, and we couldn’t provide them with the past year’s taxes, they couldn’t do anything.  So here I am, basically.  Stuck in limbo.  I have very few options left.  The best is this whole UTMB thing.  Even if they are willing to take me on and finance part of the surgery or SOMETHING I will be THRILLED!  I CANNOT TAKE IT ANY MORE!  I have been in denial about it for long enough.  So everyone, please, please, PULEEEEZ pray for me that this will work out. 

Now, well, you saw my virtual model.  I am barely hanging on to this side of obesity.  A few more pounds, and I will officially be obese.  I really hate all the extra weight I am carrying around.  Unfortunately, when I was first diagnosed with the tumor, my doctor told me that weight gain was NOT an effect of the tumor.  Well, turns out it is- I got on the internet and found this out fairly quickly.  The problem was convincing my husband- he believed my doctor, as I did for a while.  You can imagine how I felt- I had no control over the weight I was gaining, and my husband just thought I was being lazy or eating too much.  It just wasn’t true- it wasn’t about what I was or wasn’t doing, it was/is the tumor. 

The whole being fat thing sucks.  It makes nearly everything more difficult or uncomfortable.  I feel embarrassed to run into old friends from school who knew me just five years ago when I was thin.  I feel embarrassed when Jeremy introduces me to someone he knows because I can’t help but think they must wonder what a good looking young guy like Jeremy is doing with someone as fat as me.  Surely he should be with some young thin hottie with a great rack.  “THAT’S ME!!!” I want to yell.  I was the young thin hottie with the great rack.  Well, the rack is still pretty dang great if I do say so myself.  I didn’t get to breast feed Hali, as another side effect of the tumor- I can’t produce any actual milk. So the boobs aren’t nearly as saggy as most women with “girls” as big as mine.  They, in addition to all the weight, make for a lot of back pain.

So the whole point of this long, rambling thing, is that all these problems are HOPEFULLY going to change soon.  I will definitely post when I know something for sure.  Oh, and not all the links are to me, some are actually really helpful, so check them out too!


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  1. I feel for you with the fat thing. I am the reverse. Fat my whole teenage years. I weighed 280. Not anymore. Being thin doesn’t make your problems go away but it sure helps a helluva lot. I am really hoping that you get that surgery and that everything turns out ok. Don’t feel embarassed about posting about it. People who are heavy spend too much time feeling embarassed as it is!!!! It’s been almost 12 years and I STILL think people are watching me and how fat I am sometimes. EEEK. BIG OLE FAT HUGSfrom utah. 😀

  2. I just tried the virtual model. So awesome! (She looks better than me, though… bummer!)

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