Hardcore Fun (let the porn spamming begin)

March 24, 2007 at 5:03 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

How to Have THE most fun in 24 hours:

Step one:   head to Walmart for groceries about 10:30 after you have put your daughter to sleep, which btw, takes nearly an hour

Step two:   try and sleep in the guest bed so that your back doesn’t scream at you in the morning, but get woken up by afore mentioned daughter in the middle of the night and go lay back down on the dang air mattress

Step three:   try and pretend like it isn’t really morning, your daughter isn’t really already awake, and that your bladder isn’t about to burst by rolling over and pulling the covers over your head

Step four:   Did I mention that your in laws will be coming over today? Ya. Oh, and you are hosting a party for your daughter so that she will be happy not scream until she throws up about having no more bottles. But don’t worry- you cleaned the house from top to bottom yesterday, thus your body is crying out in agony as you limp down the stairs to get your daughter some chocolate milk. If you can talk the husband into coming home anytime soon, then he will be manning the grill.  That’s good, because you know, you’ve seen him for like three hours this week.

Step five:   whine on and on about it on your blog

Step six:   Finish making beds, pick up Hali’s room, shove craft supplies in the drawer in the office, and water plants (thank goodness that one your MIL gave you rfor your birthday is still alive…)

Step seven:   frost the cookies, have Hali add sprinkles, clean up the spilled sprinkles from every surface in your kitchen, pick them out of her hair, etc.

Step eight:   Make a PINK birthday cake and frost it.

Step nine:   Hide porn stash uh, clean the toilets and wipe up Hali’s bathroom counter and sink (kidding, totally not doing either)

Step ten:   call husband to see if he had thought of coming home yet…

Step eleven: pluck those bushes you call eye brows and slap on some make up.

Step twelve:   tell husband to pick up his clothes and sweep of the walkway and patio.

Step thirteen:   sit down and act casual as if it took no work what so ever to do all this…

Step fourteen: add one more step so that you don’t curse yourself by leaving it at 13- stuff your face with sweets, and watch Hali have a good time

Step fifteen: try and get your in-laws to leave before Hali’s bed time, which should be difficult, seeing as you even said to MIL on the phone “I want to do it early, that way we can finish before bath time and stuff so that Hali will have time to calm down and go to sleep… so like 4-6 should be fine”  her response “oh, do you have some of that ‘peace and calming’ oil? put some on her feet and she’ll calm right down.” Right… like how those oils helped us so much last winter when we were all freaking sick? Or how about you graciously follow my nicely put request?

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