I Don’t Want to NOT Be a Stay-at-home Mom

July 16, 2008 at 7:27 am | Posted in adventures with Hali, family | 2 Comments
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Helping out at the shop a few weeks ago made me realize how much I love my job and how much I don’t want to leave my days as a stay-at-home mom behind. Sure, the hours often times suck, but it’s a really good job. I just cannot stress how happy it makes me to be a stay-at-home mom. I literally spend all my time with Hali- most of the time within a few yards of her. And while this can often times become a complaint, it is a blessing.

Before we got married, Jeremy and I talked about our future often and about our plans for a family. We both agreed without any debate that I would be a stay-at-home mom when we started our family. There was never even any question about it- it was just what was going to happen.

And while it would have potentially made things easier on us financially, I have truly never worked outside the home since Hali was born.  We were so extremely poor when Hali was first born. We had just started a business and it simply wasn’t bringing in enough money (new businesses in general aren’t going to bring much in for the first year or two). But we persevered, and have been blessed for it.

Jeremy and I derive a lot of satisfaction from the fact that I am and always have been at home to take care of our girl. I know there are women who, when asked what they do, don’t really feel as pleased with themselves as they should when they answer that they are a stay-at-home mom.

I used to feel like it wasn’t enough, and would try and act as if my role in helping Jeremy with our business was a little larger than it really was. But by the time Hali was a couple of years old, I figured out that I really was proud of myself and of my husband because of the fact that I was able to be at home all the time, concentrating on raising our daughter. I really found myself in that identity of simply being what I was.  I wasn’t embarrassed to say ” I stay at home with Hali”. I didn’t feel the need to tack on other things to my job title, after all, mine was an important, all-consuming, difficult job. 

Looking at the road ahead, it is difficult for me to imagine life once Hali is in school. I feel like once she is in school I should find some way to contribute financially. Which means a job.  Starting over in the professional world after what will be over five years at home is a scary thought to me. What will I do? Who will hire me? Will I be able to find a job that enables me to be home whenever Hali is? Will it be something I truly like? Should I also go back to school? Will that help me get a better job that meets my requirements?

Just thinking about it stresses me out and makes me sad to think that I won’t be able to call myself a stay-at-home mom for much more than another year. We are constantly arriving at new stages in life- especially at this early point in our time as a family. The next one will be the upcoming year of preschooling at home. It’s the stage after that I’m worried about. It’s going to be a bg change for me, and one I am glad I have another year to get used to the idea of, because right now, I don’t even want to think about it.

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  1. I am South African. In SA I was self-employed and we had a daughter. When we moved to the UK a few years ago we had another little girl. I worked for myself on and off in the UK but was also looking after the baby, the older daughter and the house. Then we moved to the USA, I am not allowed to work here because of my visa restrictions. At first I was very unhappy, describing myself as a non-entity with no social security number and hence no choice as to whether I wanted to work or not. Now two years down the line, I think it was a Godsend. The choice was taken out of my hands and I was the happier because of it. My youngest starts school in August and I will still be a stay at home mom. I might not have children at home in the morning, but some one has to drive them to dancing and be there when they get ill…
    If you decide to go back to work, enjoy it and enjoy the time you have with the family. You do not have to feel guilty about either decision you make – if you get a job, you contribute financially but if you don’t get an outside job, you contribute with your time and effort and presence. Do what feels right and know that you can ALWAYS change your mind! Good luck…

  2. It recently came to my attention that hubby thinks I need to return to work when the kids begin kindergarten.

    I informed him that my job as Stay-At-Home Mom will not conclude until the children leave home for college. I put my foot down.

    In the meantime, I may try to find some fabulous work from home endeavor.


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